


Ben Wyatt, Christmas Disaster

by lunarknightz



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-13
Updated: 2011-12-13
Packaged: 2017-10-27 06:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/292804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarknightz/pseuds/lunarknightz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Better a cube butt, Ben thought, than a Christmas disaster.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Ben Wyatt, Christmas Disaster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [krabapple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/krabapple/gifts).



> Set after "Citizen Knope".

“I really should get going.” Leslie muttered into Ben’s shoulder. They were on the couch at Ben’s place (Andy and April were out- something about extra credit for Woman’s Studies- Andy had yelled something about respecting the honor of the Ron Swanson scholarship as April pulled him out the door), cuddled together on a cold, snowy night.

Chris had just lifted Leslie’s suspension at work- she’d come home from City Hall full of happiness, renewed political promise, and an extremely large amount of Gingerbread. She’d shared the excitement of the Parks crew becoming her new campaign team, and he’d offered a couple of ideas. (Yeah, he’d been an absolute disaster at being mayor, but his campaign had kicked ass.) Their conversation had turned into a flurry of kisses and cuddles, and they were happily wrapped around one another, Leslie sitting in Ben’s lap.

“It’s cold outside.” He muttered, kissing up and down her neck. “You really should stay.”

“But what if my mother worries?” She giggled.

“You know that song could be portrayed as date rape.” He ran his fingers through her blonde hair. “And that really could kill the mood.”

“I like this mood.” She said simply, stopping to kiss Ben on the lips. “And I love you.”

“And I love you.” He smiled. “It’s a matter of public record.”

“So let’s talk of happier things.” She said with a smile.

“Happier things?” He hugged her tight. “Things can get better than this?”

“It’s almost Christmas! What do you have planned? Because it is our first Christmas together.”

“Well, before I quit my job in a blaze of glory I was going to go back to Minnesota to drown my sorrows in Egg Nog and a barrage of overly intrusive questions from relatives I can barely stand. But now that I have an extremely hot and amazing girlfriend, I think I’m going to spend Christmas with her. And I plan to spend as much time under the mistletoe with her as I humanly can.”

“I like the way you think, Benji Wyatt.” Leslie smiled. “This is going to be one awesome Christmas. And I have absolutely the best gift for you, ever. She started kissing him again.

______________

“Let’s see…” Andy thought aloud. “What do I want for Christmas?”

Ben looked up from the newspaper he was reading. “Silverware that isn’t plastic?”

Andy shook his head. “Nah, that’s not it.” He rubbed his chin. “Maybe a hot chocolate gun? We have marshmallow guns, so if I had a hot chocolate gun, I could use both at the same time, and it would be a flurry of yummy awesomeness.”

“I’m pretty sure that a hot chocolate gun would end up in serious injury.” Ben said. “You might want to ask for armor made of Tupperware to protect yourself.”

“That’s an awesome idea!” Andy said excitedly. “And a shield made of peppermint.”

“Andy, we don’t actually live in _Candy Land_ , the game.”

“I know, but wouldn’t be awesome if we did?” Andy said with a grin. “Somebody needs to give this idea to Sweetums!”

“I really wish you wouldn’t.” Ben sighed.

“Anyway.” Andy said with a grin. “I got April these totally cool bootlegs of Netural Milk Hotel. She’s gonna love them. So what did you get Leslie for Christmas, now that you’re together and everything?”

Ben felt a slight urge of panic. “I don’t have a gift for her yet.”

“Dude, that’s okay. There’s like, weeks until Christmas yet.” Andy shrugged. “You’ll think of something.”

_____________________

He didn’t think of something. Time continued to tick by, swiftly and quickly as Christmas approached.

As much as he loved Leslie, he couldn’t decide what to get her. A gift card was too impersonal, but clothes seemed too personal, or too boring. In his moment of panic, he reached out to the most experienced and wise shoppers he could think of.

Tom and Donna.

He met them in the food court at the mall. “Okay.” Ben said with a sigh, taking one last swig of his Orange Julius. “Today, it’s Treat Leslie Knope day. I need the best possible gift that we can find.”

And they tried, goodness knows they tried.

And though some ideas seemed pretty good (The cartoon caricature of Leslie with Eleanor Roosevelt that Donna suggested was inspired, but somehow not right) and some were downright scary (the cartoon caricature of Tom with Edward Cullen), but none were quite right. After five hours they covered the entire mall three times and hadn’t found a thing. Ben apologized profusely and thanked both Donna and Tom several times.

Leslie was extraordinary, and an ordinary gift just wouldn’t do.  
Ben stopped in front of the jewelry store, his eyes on the diamond rings. They weren’t quite there yet. But he could see giving Leslie a ring. He could see marrying Leslie and spending the rest of his life with her. Maybe they’d start a family, maybe they wouldn’t. He couldn’t see a future _without_ Leslie. And that thought didn’t scare him. It made him…happy.

A diamond ring would be the right gift- sometime.

He was still clueless on what to get her for Christmas.

If only he would have held onto the stuffed Lil’ Sebastian. Nothing could beat awesome mini-horse merchandise.  
______________

“Do you know what would be awesome?” Ann said as she met Ben in her office, shortly after lunch. “If you and Leslie would go in together and get me unlimited texting. Seriously, Ben, she’s rubbing off on you.”

“I’m freaking out. This is our first Christmas together, and Leslie wants it to be magical. _I_ want it to be magical. But I can’t think of anything to get her. Things are too fancy, or too personal or not personal enough…”

“Leslie will love whatever you give her.” Ann said wisely. “She loves you. You could wrap yourself up in a bow, and she’d love it.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little…”

“Ben, don’t sweat the small stuff. Buy her something and create a story- tell her why it reminds you of her. She’d love it.”

“You don’t have any specific ideas on what to get her? You are her best friend.”

“The specific idea I had for Leslie is already bought and wrapped and under the tree. And I like you, Ben, I really do, and I’m so happy that you make Leslie happy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. But I swear, if you come in between Christmas and me, I will cut a bitch.”

____________

Ben freaked out. He had a meltdown, which was more than a little embarrassing. He went into full human disaster mode, babbling in controllably to Ann, sharing way too much information about his personal life with Leslie, her likes and dislikes. He talked about Christmas, and how awesome Christmas had been when he got the Jabba’s Palace play set when he was a kid, and how his mother still put an Ice Town ornament on the tree to drive just to absolutely drive him nuts.

Ann used her medical training well, and got Ben to breathe into a paper bag, sit down, and calm down.

When his pulse returned to normal, she looked at Ben and shook her head. “You, my friend, are a complete and utter Christmas Disaster.”

Then she called in the cavalry.  
___________

The entire Parks department (save one Leslie Knope who had been sent on a wild goose chase to find Greg Pitkis vandalizing the Sweetums “12 Sweets of Christmas” display- The Pitkis family was out of town for the holiday) was in Ann’s office, giving Ben gift advice.

“Snakejuice. The gift that will get her liquored up and looking for a good time.” Tom suggested.

“I have bought all of the remaining bottles of Snakejuice for my own personal collection, and I’m not giving them out to anyone, though I admire your entrepreneurial spirit.” Ron said. “I’ve always found that some fine red meat is a delightful Christmas gift. Or failing that, something handcrafted from one of our fine Indiana hardwoods.”

“Hard wood.” Tom shrieked. “HA!”

“Get your head out of the gutter, son.” Ron growled at Tom.

“Autographed Mouse Rat CD.” Andy suggested. “It’s awesome.”

“A paid vacation to San Diego for her assistant and his wife.” April suggested. “Or earmuffs for Andy and I for when you’re “entertaining” her as a guest. April made finger quotes and a disgusted face. “There are some things that should never be seen or heard.”

“A chance to meet Hillary Clinton in person.” Donna suggested.

“A time machine, so we can all go back in time and make better choices, where you don’t leave City Hall high and dry and take me through all kinds of unneeded emotional distress.” Chris suggested. “My herbal supplement levels are literally still double what they should be. This is completely tearing me up.”

“I often find that a handmade gift works perfectly for Gail. She likes the personal touch, and someone like Leslie who tries so hard to find a gift that matches the person’s individual needs and desires would surely…”

“Shut up, Jerry!” Tom growled. “You are such a cube butt.”

Better a cube butt, Ben thought, than a Christmas disaster.

______________________

 

“Wake up” a gentle whisper sounded into his ear. “It’s Christmas.” Leslie followed up her words with a kiss on his cheek.

Ben opened his eyes. Leslie looked like an angel. “I thought Santa was supposed to leave my gifts under the tree.” He said, reaching out and pulling her close.

“Ben.” Leslie giggled as he kissed her neck. “Presents are waiting for us. This is serious business.”

“I’m serious about this business, too.” Ben said, as his hands slipped under her nightgown.

In the end, they both got what they wanted. More than a few minutes later, they made their way downstairs, hand in hand. They opened gifts from friends and from relatives, saving their gifts to and from one another for last. Ben, not normally one for holiday cheer, wore a Santa hat as they opened gifts just because it made her smile. It would still be a memorable Christmas, even if his gift stunk.

Leslie handed him her gift, smiling like a Cheshire cat. “You’re going to love it!” She exclaimed.

“I’m sure you will!” Ben opened the present slowly, as to not ruin the careful wrapping job Leslie had done.“It’s a video.”

“Duh.” Leslie said with a grin. “Look at the label.”

Ben flipped over the cassette and looked at the writing. “It can’t be.”

“It is!”

“It’s like, impossible to find a copy of this. I’ve tried!”

“I know.” Leslie put on a mock serious face. “Many Bothans died to bring you this information.”

“It’s the _Star Wars Holiday Special_. I’ve always wanted to see this! This is amazing, Leslie!” He leaned over and kissed her on the lips. “You are the best girlfriend ever.”

Leslie leaned down and picked up the last wrapped package under the tree. “Is this for me?”

Ben nodded. “It’s not as awesome as yours. If you think it’s stupid….I’ll buy you something better tomorrow.”

“Don’t be silly, Ben. I know I’ll love it!” She said cheerily, and ripped the paper open.  
In the end, Ben had taken Jerry’s advice. (Who ever would have thought that Jerry would have the best idea in the Parks department?) Ben made something for Leslie. Not working right now left him with some extra time on his hands. He wasn’t the most talented artist, but he could doodle with the best of them. With a little bit of elbow grease, some markers and top quality Dunder Mifflin-Sabre paper, he’d written and illustrated a kid’s book.

 _Princess Leslie & Lil’ Sebastian Save the Day!_. A story in which a beautiful princess and her miniature horse saved the poor Prince Ben of Ice Town.

Leslie turned the pages in wonder, her face lit up like a Christmas tree. Tears were running down her face by the time she finished reading.

“This is the most amazing gift ever.” Leslie said, reaching out and hugging Ben. “I’m like, the luckiest person in the world.”

“You like it?”

“Duh.” Leslie kissed his lips. “Ben Wyatt, you are absolutely amazing.”

Maybe he wasn’t a Christmas disaster, after all.

(This year, at least.)


End file.
